Jokes Options

[John Dolva]

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled upon an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "OK. OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah, blah. This is the 4th time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish! The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete . . how much steel!! No, think of another wish!" The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women . . . know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment . . .know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say, 'nothing' . . . know how to make them truly happy . . ." The genie said, "You want that bridge with two lanes or four?

[John Dolva]

Monty Python Argument Sketch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQFKtI6gn9Y

edit corrected link

This post has been edited by John Dolva: Jun 3 2009, 07:38 AM

[John Dolva]

joke of the world...
Authorities investigating Authorities

_____________________________

Activists Rights

http://www.activistrights.org.au/cb_pages/...nts_details.php

The three main goals of ACTIVIST RIGHTS: Legal Information and Resources are:

-To provide comprehensive, accurate and accessible legal rights and activist legal information that can be used by a wide range of Victorian and Australian activists;
-To strengthen the capacity of activist organisations to develop effective activist legal support structures and approaches to the police, courts and legal system;
-To strengthen the capacity of community legal centres , progressive lawyers and legal support teams to support activists who are facing the police and legal system.

[John Simkin]

It is ridiculous to say that men cannot multi-task. I know several men who can make love and think of another woman at the same time.

[John Simkin]

It is ridiculous to say that men cannot multi-task. I know several men who can make love and think of another woman at the same time.

A married man once told me that he was invited back to the hotel room of a very attractive woman. He was so excited he could not perform. He solved the problem by thinking about his wife.

[John Dolva]

I think a better solution is to think of the British Empire. Then you dont have to bother getting exited in the first place

[Cigdem Göle]

Perfect English

Doctor's office, Rome:
Specialist In Women and Other Diseases

In an elevator, China :
Be sure not to take lift when on fire.

In a hotel, Japan :
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Dry Cleaners, Bangkok:
Drop your trousers here for the best results.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.

Tokyo Hotel's rules and regulations:
Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviours in bed.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel :
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

In a shop in Ephesus, Turkey:
Genuine Fake Watches

Outside a Paris clothes shop:
Dresses for street walking.

In an elevator, Malta:
Attention In an Emergency
When the lift stops because of power cut,do not be afraid but stay calm. Do not touch the door nor the pushes of numbers 0,1,2,3. But you have to shout until somebody hears you.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

[John Simkin]

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know.... The one that's red and has thorns..'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

[Kathleen Collins]

I laughed my ass off at this. It's a Jerry Lewis impersonator and the concept is Jerry's selling an album of his songs. Every song has the word "lady" in it. It's under 2 minutes and it's hysterical.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0USfvZ0-mTA&feature=fvsr

Kathy C