"Tell me...Does your dog bite?"
Peter Sellers - The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976)
---------
"Gentlemen you can't fight in here. This is the War Room"
Peter Sellers - Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learnt To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1963)
Full Version: Funniest Line In A Comedy Film
I just chose one of SO many classic lines from the Marx Brothers!!
Here's Chico from Duck Soup:
"Sure we shadowed him:
Tuesday we sit outside his house all day, but he no home.
Wednesday we went to the ball game, he fool us and no show up.
Thursday he go to the ball game, but we fool him and we no show up.
Friday it was a double header, nobody show up, so we stay home and listened to it on the radio."
Here's Chico from Duck Soup:
"Sure we shadowed him:
Tuesday we sit outside his house all day, but he no home.
Wednesday we went to the ball game, he fool us and no show up.
Thursday he go to the ball game, but we fool him and we no show up.
Friday it was a double header, nobody show up, so we stay home and listened to it on the radio."
"Thenturian, why do they titter tho"
" Romans they go the house? **** off"
" Welease woderwick....We don't have a Roderick Sir"
" He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty Boy"
"We've got some lumps of it round the back.......E eeeees mmmmmm, mad sir, mmmmmmm,mad.
Take your pick Monty Pythons Life of Brian.
" Romans they go the house? **** off"
" Welease woderwick....We don't have a Roderick Sir"
" He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty Boy"
"We've got some lumps of it round the back.......E eeeees mmmmmm, mad sir, mmmmmmm,mad.
Take your pick Monty Pythons Life of Brian.
Monty Python ...a legend.
"'Tis but a scratch'
'A scratch?! Your arm's off!'
'No, it isn't.'"
---
"He must be a king.
Why?
He hasn't got sh*t all over him."
---
"No it can't! An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition."
-----
"He's not pining, he's passed on. This parrot is no more.
He has ceased to be. He's expired and gone to meet his maker.
He's a stiff, bereft of life, he rests in peace. If you hadn't have nailed him
to the perch he'd be pushing up the daisies. He's rung down the curtain
and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot!"
"'Tis but a scratch'
'A scratch?! Your arm's off!'
'No, it isn't.'"
---
"He must be a king.
Why?
He hasn't got sh*t all over him."
---
"No it can't! An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition."
-----
"He's not pining, he's passed on. This parrot is no more.
He has ceased to be. He's expired and gone to meet his maker.
He's a stiff, bereft of life, he rests in peace. If you hadn't have nailed him
to the perch he'd be pushing up the daisies. He's rung down the curtain
and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot!"
A few more....
From "Monty Python & the Holy Grail":
French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
Dennis: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior.
King Arthur: Well, I am king.
Dennis: Oh, king, eh? Very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.......
King Arthur: Bloody peasant!
Dennis: Oh, what a giveaway! Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw him, didn't you?
=================================================
From Kathy's "Duck Soup" recommendation, some Groucho Marx highlights:
Rufus T. Firefly: I'd be unworthy of the high trust that's been placed in me if I didn't do everything in my power to keep our beloved Freedonia in peace with the world. I'd be only too happy to meet with Ambassador Trentino, and offer him on behalf of my country the right hand of good fellowship. And I feel sure he will accept this gesture in the spirit in which it is offered..... But suppose he doesn't? A fine thing that'll be -- I hold out my hand and he refuses to accept! That'll add a lot to my prestige, won't it? Me, the head of a country, snubbed by a foreign ambassador! Who does he think he is, that he can come here, and make a sap of me in front of all my people? Think of it -- I hold out my hand and that hyena refuses to accept! Why, the cheap ball-pushing swine, he'll never get away with it, I tell you, he'll never get away with it.
[Trentino enters]
Rufus T. Firefly: So, you refuse to shake hands with me, eh?
[slaps glove across Trentino's face]
Rufus T. Firefly: Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
Rufus T. Firefly: Go, and never darken my towels again!
Rufus T. Firefly: Here are the plans of war. They're as valuable as your life. And that's putting them pretty cheap. Watch them like a cat watches her kittens. Have you ever had kittens? No, of course not -- you're too busy running around playing bridge. Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you -- I love you.
From "Monty Python & the Holy Grail":
French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
Dennis: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior.
King Arthur: Well, I am king.
Dennis: Oh, king, eh? Very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.......
King Arthur: Bloody peasant!
Dennis: Oh, what a giveaway! Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw him, didn't you?
=================================================
From Kathy's "Duck Soup" recommendation, some Groucho Marx highlights:
Rufus T. Firefly: I'd be unworthy of the high trust that's been placed in me if I didn't do everything in my power to keep our beloved Freedonia in peace with the world. I'd be only too happy to meet with Ambassador Trentino, and offer him on behalf of my country the right hand of good fellowship. And I feel sure he will accept this gesture in the spirit in which it is offered..... But suppose he doesn't? A fine thing that'll be -- I hold out my hand and he refuses to accept! That'll add a lot to my prestige, won't it? Me, the head of a country, snubbed by a foreign ambassador! Who does he think he is, that he can come here, and make a sap of me in front of all my people? Think of it -- I hold out my hand and that hyena refuses to accept! Why, the cheap ball-pushing swine, he'll never get away with it, I tell you, he'll never get away with it.
[Trentino enters]
Rufus T. Firefly: So, you refuse to shake hands with me, eh?
[slaps glove across Trentino's face]
Rufus T. Firefly: Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did.
Rufus T. Firefly: Go, and never darken my towels again!
Rufus T. Firefly: Here are the plans of war. They're as valuable as your life. And that's putting them pretty cheap. Watch them like a cat watches her kittens. Have you ever had kittens? No, of course not -- you're too busy running around playing bridge. Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you -- I love you.
From Dumb & Dumber
Harry: I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
Lloyd : I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of s**t, man!
Harry: I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
Lloyd : I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of s**t, man!
QUOTE (Cigdem Eksi @ Jul 18 2008, 11:08 AM) 
"Tell me...Does your dog bite?"
Peter Sellers - The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976)
---------
"Gentlemen you can't fight in here. This is the War Room"
Peter Sellers - Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learnt To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1963)
Peter Sellers - The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976)
---------
"Gentlemen you can't fight in here. This is the War Room"
Peter Sellers - Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learnt To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1963)
There's lots of funny lines and dialogues and scenes in "Dr. Strangelove": Peter Sellers as Dr. Strangelove in the whole final part; George C. Scott's wildly funny portrayal of an American general; etc. But whenever I've watched it I always busted out laughing at one line in particular.
In General Ripper's office when the US Army has invaded Burpelson Air Force Base and is shooting up the office, Gen. Ripper (Sterling Hayden) mounts a machine gun on his desk and wants Group Captain Lionel Mandrake (Sellers) to help him by feeding the ammo belt for the machine gun. Mandrake repeatedly declines (having taken cover from incoming rounds), and finally Ripper says:
"Mandrake! In the name of Her Majesty and the Continental Congress, c'mere and feed me that belt, boy!"
Another funny but less well-known movie is one I saw about 25 years ago and only saw it once or twice: The Ruling Class (1972)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ruling_Class
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069198/
In the beginning the lead character is a paranoid schizophrenic under the delusion he's Jesus Christ. The funniest parts I can recall are as follows:
He informs various people, when confronted with ideas he doesn't care for, that he takes those ideas and puts them in his "galvanized pressure cooker" (his mind or brain) -- "and ZING!! they're gone!!!" Eventually he's "cured" -- becoming a worthy member of the British upper class Establishment......except he's retained his delusions of grandeur, the difference being that now he's not a God of love but a God of vengeance, "not Jesus Christ but God Almighty." In this new persona he's actually Jack the Ripper and is publicly applauded for reactionary views in favor of Capital and the death penalty, "the Queen on her Throne, God in His Heaven, and allllll's right with the world." I found this transformation and the accompanying lines to be among the most hilarious, but the imdb site's quotes don't include any of them. But here's a few lines....
Dr. Herder: His lordship is a paranoid schizophrenic.
Sir Charles: Paranoid schizophrenic? But he's a Gurney!
Dr. Herder: Then he's a paranoid schizophrenic Gurney who believes he's God.
Sir Charles: But we've always been Church of England!
Dr. Herder: He can't forget being rejected by his mother and father at the age of 11. They sent him away, alone, into a primitive community of licensed bullies and pederasts.
Sir Charles: You mean he went to public school.
Dr. Herder: Exactly.
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: I was only trying to do what's expected me. I recall as a sign of normalcy in our circle to slaughter anything that moves.
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: [to Grace] I take thee, Marguerite, called Grace Shelley because she doesn't speak French, to be my wedded wife.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ruling_Class
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069198/
In the beginning the lead character is a paranoid schizophrenic under the delusion he's Jesus Christ. The funniest parts I can recall are as follows:
He informs various people, when confronted with ideas he doesn't care for, that he takes those ideas and puts them in his "galvanized pressure cooker" (his mind or brain) -- "and ZING!! they're gone!!!" Eventually he's "cured" -- becoming a worthy member of the British upper class Establishment......except he's retained his delusions of grandeur, the difference being that now he's not a God of love but a God of vengeance, "not Jesus Christ but God Almighty." In this new persona he's actually Jack the Ripper and is publicly applauded for reactionary views in favor of Capital and the death penalty, "the Queen on her Throne, God in His Heaven, and allllll's right with the world." I found this transformation and the accompanying lines to be among the most hilarious, but the imdb site's quotes don't include any of them. But here's a few lines....
Dr. Herder: His lordship is a paranoid schizophrenic.
Sir Charles: Paranoid schizophrenic? But he's a Gurney!
Dr. Herder: Then he's a paranoid schizophrenic Gurney who believes he's God.
Sir Charles: But we've always been Church of England!
Dr. Herder: He can't forget being rejected by his mother and father at the age of 11. They sent him away, alone, into a primitive community of licensed bullies and pederasts.
Sir Charles: You mean he went to public school.
Dr. Herder: Exactly.
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: I was only trying to do what's expected me. I recall as a sign of normalcy in our circle to slaughter anything that moves.
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: [to Grace] I take thee, Marguerite, called Grace Shelley because she doesn't speak French, to be my wedded wife.
Sonja (Diane Keaton): Oh don't, Boris, please. Sex without love is an empty experience.
Boris (Woody Allen): Yes, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
From Love and Death (1975)
Boris (Woody Allen): Yes, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
From Love and Death (1975)
Behind every successful man is a woman who is not married to me.
---
Except for the day before the day I met you, this is the happiest day of my life.
Al Bundy - Married With Children
---
Except for the day before the day I met you, this is the happiest day of my life.
Al Bundy - Married With Children
cheech and chong are pulled up by a m/c cop because their van is emitting smoke (made of compressed mexican pot) because the exhaust has set it smouldering. In desperation of changing seats while the officer bends down to sniff the smoke, c & c end up sitting in a tangle. By the time the officer reaches the drivers window he takes off his helmet, scratches his head, looks puzzeled, smiles up at the absolutely terrified duo, smiles and says '' er...is there anything I can do for you?''. Spottong a burger his eyes light up and he asks if he can have a bite. Of course ha can, wishes them a good day and walks off happily munching the burger.
Huntz Hall at the end of a Bowery Boys movie, you know where the cast were nearing their '70's. Sach played by Huntz Hall is driving a cab. He comes to a dead stop. The car collapses -- the wheels fall off, the bumpers, the fenders. the doors, everything. A crowd has gathered.
Sach looks out the window and says, "Taxi anyone?"
Sach looks out the window and says, "Taxi anyone?"
When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face.
That's the price she has to pay.
Groucho Marx - Night At The Opera
That's the price she has to pay.
Groucho Marx - Night At The Opera
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Damn your eyes.
Igor: [to camera] Too late.
YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN
*************
Badges? We don't need some stinking badges!
BLAZING SADDLES
*************
If they could get a washing machine to fly, my Jimmy could land it.
APOLLO 13
(It was never actually said by Jim Lovell's mother, but it is still a funny line)
*************
Igor: [to camera] Too late.
YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN
*************
Badges? We don't need some stinking badges!
BLAZING SADDLES
*************
If they could get a washing machine to fly, my Jimmy could land it.
APOLLO 13
(It was never actually said by Jim Lovell's mother, but it is still a funny line)
*************
(Joey falls off a balcony and lands on the floor. People crowd around him to see if he is okay. He proclaims "I'm in love!")
Neil: If this is love, sex is gunna kill you
GET CRAZY
Neil: If this is love, sex is gunna kill you
GET CRAZY
From Bruce Almighty
(Bruce meets God)
Nice to meet you, God. Nice job on the Grand Canyon, and good luck with the apocalypse.
--------
Bruce : I needed time to reasses my goals and get in touch with my true self.
Jack : You did that in a day?
Bruce : Imagine what I could do in seven...
(Bruce meets God)
Nice to meet you, God. Nice job on the Grand Canyon, and good luck with the apocalypse.
--------
Bruce : I needed time to reasses my goals and get in touch with my true self.
Jack : You did that in a day?
Bruce : Imagine what I could do in seven...
In Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, Dracula has awakened the monster and gotten him out of his shipping case. Frankenstein starts to walk and he soon sees "Wilbur" (Lou Costello) standing aside in a trance. The monster steps backwards, making frightened noises. Costello's appearance scares him.
Kathy C
Kathy C
"A Night At The Opera" (1935)
Mrs. Claypool boards the ship with Otis B. Driftwood following behind carrying luggage:
Mrs. Claypool: Have you got everything, Otis?
Otis B. Driftwood: Well, I haven't had any complaints yet.
Mrs. Claypool boards the ship with Otis B. Driftwood following behind carrying luggage:
Mrs. Claypool: Have you got everything, Otis?
Otis B. Driftwood: Well, I haven't had any complaints yet.
Clouseau : Do you 'ave a licounse?
Beggar : Monsieur?
Clouseau : City ordinounce 47 B prohibeads the playeng of any musical enstrument in a peublic plass for the purpose of commercial enterprise without a licounse
Beggar : I don't understand
Clouseau : It iz against the leuw for you to play yeur musical enstrument.
Beggar: The leuw?
Clouseau: What?
Beggar: You say it's against the leuw?
Clouseau: Yes, unless you 'ave a proper licounse
Beggar: What kind of license?
Clouseau: A licounce that permits the playeng of any musical enstrument in a peublic plass for the purpose of commercial enterprise
Beggar: Commercial enterprise?
Clouseau: Yes, you play that thing and the people give you the meunay
Beggar: People give the monkey the money
Clouseau: It iz a same
Beggar: Not at all monsieur, I am a musician and the monkey is a businessman, he doesn't tell me what to play and I don't tell him what to do with his money
Clouseau: Monsieur, don't try to be feunnay with me!! It iz yeur minkey therefore it iz yeur meunay!
Beggar: He lives with me but he is not my monkey, one day I came home and I found him sitting in the living room, Ilet him stay but he pays for his own room
Clouseau: Then the minkey's breaking the leuw
Beggar: But he doesn't play any musical instrument
Clouseau: City ordinounce 132 R prohibeads the beggingg!
Beggar: How do you know so much about the city ordinances?
Clouseau: What sort of stupid question is that, are you blind?
Beggar: Yes
The Return of the Pink Panther (1975)
Beggar : Monsieur?
Clouseau : City ordinounce 47 B prohibeads the playeng of any musical enstrument in a peublic plass for the purpose of commercial enterprise without a licounse
Beggar : I don't understand
Clouseau : It iz against the leuw for you to play yeur musical enstrument.
Beggar: The leuw?
Clouseau: What?
Beggar: You say it's against the leuw?
Clouseau: Yes, unless you 'ave a proper licounse
Beggar: What kind of license?
Clouseau: A licounce that permits the playeng of any musical enstrument in a peublic plass for the purpose of commercial enterprise
Beggar: Commercial enterprise?
Clouseau: Yes, you play that thing and the people give you the meunay
Beggar: People give the monkey the money
Clouseau: It iz a same
Beggar: Not at all monsieur, I am a musician and the monkey is a businessman, he doesn't tell me what to play and I don't tell him what to do with his money
Clouseau: Monsieur, don't try to be feunnay with me!! It iz yeur minkey therefore it iz yeur meunay!
Beggar: He lives with me but he is not my monkey, one day I came home and I found him sitting in the living room, Ilet him stay but he pays for his own room
Clouseau: Then the minkey's breaking the leuw
Beggar: But he doesn't play any musical instrument
Clouseau: City ordinounce 132 R prohibeads the beggingg!
Beggar: How do you know so much about the city ordinances?
Clouseau: What sort of stupid question is that, are you blind?
Beggar: Yes
The Return of the Pink Panther (1975)
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