HAYDELL: A Modern Folk Tale Part II

[Greg Parker]

HAYDELL: A Modern Folk Tale

Part II: Comrades in Santa Ana

Haydell made it into the Marines on his second attempt. Completed a tour of

South East Asia, mainly Japan.

Stories floated.

He had killed another Marine. He'd done brig time for badmouthing. He

spent mucho time with expensive comfort girls. He'd shot himself in the

arm. He was a Communist. He was being trained for a mission. Touched

base with Russians.

On the 22nd of December, 1958, Haydell was back in the US and stationed at El

Nino, Santa Ana. It was true that he called everyone comrade, and made inside

jokes about Big Brother.

His job in South East Asia had been one of radar operator for reconnaissance

flights over China and Russia carried out by the famed, but outdated E2s.

President Mike Wizenhiemer had considered the problem; had put out

SCAM5520 in response a few years earlier. Satellites were the answer,

but it would first be necessary to win international acceptance of

surveillance using the new technology.

Thus was born the International Let's Get Physical Year - July 1957 to

December 1958, and Project Beauregard.

The ILGPY program had 70 participating nations working in scientific

cooporation on problems of space, earth and the environmental research.

Such cooperation was unprecedented. That it was during a Cold War was

nothing short of miraculous.

Naturally, satellites needed to be a big part of the program.

Project Beauregard however, made no bones about its purpose:

Freedom of Space - or put another way, the right to overfly foreign

territory with satellites for the sole purpose of gathering intelligence.

The CYA (gaining popularity for its advertising catch-phrase ("Who Ya Gonna

Blame? CYA!") kicked in a few million on both budgets.

But Project Beauregard was still struggling, despite CYA largesse.

Wizenhiemer's Director of Budgets, Merciful Bandage (a project insider) wrote

the Prez that the budget was bleeding. The original estimate of 20 mil for

completion was now that amount tenfold.

Bandage got the money.

All this was by way of introducing Bandage into the tale. His extremities

penetrated many American Pies. He was a devout Humintarian. Was former

president of a Humintarian controlled international association of religious

free-thinkers. The association wanted to spread the free thinking around. To

that end, they opened a college in Chunder, Switzerland. They named the

college after another prominent Humintarian, Humbert Swizzeller. Bandage was

also president of the Friends of Humbert Swizzeller College.

Everyone needs friends.

Haydell, the radar operator, confided in fellow Marine, Dick Ball, that he was

leaving the Marines and enrolling into the Humbert Swizzeller College. The

same college that traced back to Bandage. The same Bandage wrapped up in

overflights. Overflights that Haydell had tracked on his radar.

Nielson Deldago delivered the mail. Haydell received very little. Sometimes

a Russian language newspaper out of San Francisco. Haydell told Deldago it

was White Russian. Deldago shrugged. They were all red to him. Years later,

when all of this was being investigated by the Rabbit Warren Commission

they said it was a Communist paper. No wait. It was from the Cubism

Consulate. It didn't matter. Much. So long as it was red and not white.

The envelope bore an eagle with a big, impressive seal.

It was in fact, the letterhead of White Russian organisation, The Russian

National Revolutionary Labor and Workers Peasant Party of Fascists for

World Domination and Freedom from Street Mimes. The organisation

was headed by Count Vonsucki. He had branches across the US and in

various places in Latin America and Asia. San Francisco, and Japan were

two such locations.

If Haydell had anyone close to being a buddy, it was Cary Prickly. Prickly and

Haydell liked to read futurist books. Prickly and Haydell had opinions.

Prickly was anti personal taxes, anti government, pro free market libertarian.

Everyone had a different opinion about what haydell was.

Prickly liked to hang out a particular Humintarian Church. One with a rep for

left wing rabble-rousing. He never did explain the attraction, given his

diametrically opposite views.

Haydell applied to the Hunintarian controlled Humbert Swizzeller College.

Got a hardship discharge because of his mother's ingrown toenail. Made a

trip to New Orleans, and booked passage on the first leg of his trip.

He never made it to the college. Ended up in the USSR.

Even though the ILGPY had ended, the work it generated continued for a number

of years afterwards. Who knows what a radar operator may be able to share in

the name of international cooperation?

But it was what was at the heart of that cooporation that mattered:

dismantling communism.

White Russians in bed with State. Latino spies in far flung Micks. Nothing was too odd.

Least of all a Marxist Marine.

Mike Wizenhiemer made a startling speech before leaving office, warning of the

dangers of clowns in fast food advertising.

Merciful Bandage would later help CYA set up front companies for operations

against Cubism.

Cary Prickly wrote a book on Haydell which no one wanted to buy.

Formed his own politico psuedo-religious metaphyical group based loosely

on Humintarian and libertarian principles. Hung out with right wing zealots.

Joined a union. Helped reinforce Haydell's public image as "confused

young man", and made a late-life confession reading like a LSD flashback.

greg

Edited June 21, 2004 by greg