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Loch Ness Monster.


Guest Stephen Turner
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Guest Stephen Turner

Loch Ness recieves over two million, yes two million tourists every year. QUESTION, How many do you think would come to this remote, cold windswept place, where the main passtime is tossing the Hagis, and saying "Hoots Mon" in a loud voice, if the fiction of Nessie did not exist?

Its as plain as the scabs on a Scotsmans Knee's that the whole thing is a conspiracy by the Scotish tourist board, to provide a financial fillip to this big bit of water in the back of beyond. What evidence is there to prove the Monsters existance? Well, obviously all the locals have seen her, they appear on TV every now and again with their tedious stories, "Wull, I were cummin roond by yon bend when I saw hur" Yeah big hump in the water we know. They are lying, every single one of them, but why? because they all know that without "Nessie" they would actually have to work for a living, instead of flogging gullable tourists, mostly Americans, crappy momentos of their visit, or opening themed pubs where a pint of "Monster beer" costs £5. And signed photo's of some log floating in the Loch are bought to "Amaze the folks back in Moosejaw Alabama" Its like the Marshall plan never ended in Scotland.

So, anyone want to defened Nessie? I say its the Scots legendary ability to make money thats behind all this, not some prehistoric throwback still putting in an appearance in the Scotish highlands.

"THERE IS LITTLE MORE IMPRESSIVE THAN A SCOTSMAN ON THE MAKE." DR JOHNSON.

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Loch Ness recieves over two million, yes two million tourists every year. QUESTION, How many do you think would come to this remote, cold windswept place, where the main passtime is tossing the Hagis, and saying "Hoots Mon" in a loud voice, if the fiction of Nessie did not exist?

Its as plain as the scabs on a Scotsmans Knee's that the whole thing is a conspiracy by the Scotish tourist board, to provide a financial fillip to this big bit of water in the back of beyond. What evidence is there to prove the Monsters existance? Well, obviously all the locals have seen her, they appear on TV every now and again with their tedious stories, "Wull, I were cummin roond by yon bend when I saw hur" Yeah big hump in the water we know. They are lying, every single one of them, but why? because they all know that without "Nessie" they would actually have to work for a living, instead of flogging gullable tourists, mostly Americans, crappy momentos of their visit, or opening themed pubs where a pint of "Monster beer" costs £5. And signed photo's of some log floating in the Loch are bought to "Amaze the folks back in Moosejaw Alabama" Its like the Marshall plan never ended in Scotland.

So, anyone want to defened Nessie? I say its the Scots legendary ability to make money thats behind all this, not some prehistoric throwback still putting in an appearance in the Scotish highlands.

"THERE IS LITTLE MORE IMPRESSIVE THAN A SCOTSMAN ON THE MAKE." DR JOHNSON.

Thanks, Steve, for bringing this up. I've sure been waiting for somebody to.:ice

I am a firm believer in Nessie, and I visit this website almost daily to check on the news, and view the webcam to check on "my sheep", Mavis and Sheba. The sheep have their own webcam as well.

http://www.lochness.co.uk/

It is certainly a beautiful place, and I must say that some of the pictures I've captured here (including one of the Aurora Borealis,) are magnificent, and I've used them for desktop images.

I am a little concerned, however, that it is being reported that people are throwing chickens into the Loch for Nessie. With the Avian flu as a threat, I think it's an excellent idea to find another treat for her.

Well, Steve, what do you think about the chickens? What do you think a good food would be for a plesiosaur? And no jokes, please, about feeding her the sheep.

spokker-sighting.jpg

Kathy Beckett

Edited by Kathy Beckett
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From this link:www.lochness.co.uk/exhibition/nessie-avian-flu

Exclusive: Threat to Nessie From Fellow Dinosaurs' Avian Flu

Avian Flu at Loch Ness

While Avian Flu is spreading like wildfire around the planet, threatening to kill hundreds of millions of people, another rarer creature is also in grave peril. Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster is thought by many to be a plesiosaur; one of the last surviving dinosaurs. The fear is that a virulent strain of bird flu could easily infect the famous monster because today’s birds are direct descendants of the dinosaurs and share much of their DNA.

The Curator of Paleontology, American Museum of Natural History says, “The reason birds are so important to us is really a fact we weren’t so aware of 10, 20 years ago is that birds are living dinosaurs. They’re not just related to dinosaurs. They are dinosaurs. They’re a branch of dinosaurs, so conveniently enough dinosaurs didn’t go completely extinct. One group, the birds, survived.”

Speaking from his Loch Ness project offices Professor Kettle said, “we are very concerned. Given sufficient time there is the hope that enough flu vaccine can be produced to save millions of people from the coming pandemic but we really know nothing about Nessie’s biology and I can’t see what we can do to help her.”

Following news that fowl imports from Turkey have all been banned by the EU, visitors to the area are being urged to avoid throwing dead chickens into Loch Ness, a common spectacle as they try to coax one of her rare appearances from the murky depths. “I really would like to impress upon people the dangers of throwing food into the loch”, said a spokesperson for a local touring company, “there is always the danger that it might be a tainted Turkish turkey that could pass on the virus to our Nessie”.

The British Turkey Chicken Grooming Association was unavailable for comment at time of going to press.

Edited by Kathy Beckett
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Guest Stephen Turner
Thanks, Steve, for bringing this up. I've sure been waiting for somebody to.:)

I am a firm believer in Nessie,

[Well, Steve, what do you think about the chickens? What do you think a good food would be for a plesiosaur? And no jokes, please, about feeding her the sheep.

spokker-sighting.jpg

Kathy Beckett

Egads, and forsooth Kathy, I do believe you work for the Scotish tourist board.

The people chucking chickens into the Loch are probably drunken locals, who have mistaken the Fowls for a Hagis, I did mention the Hagis throwing didn't I? Either that or they are hoping that all the splashing persuades the tourists that Nessie is on the move.

Either way its a gigantic con, and you have fallen for it. :ice never trust a Brit Kathy, as someone said, "The reason the Sun never sets on the British Empire is God doesn't trust the British in the dark."

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I've been dubious about Nessie for a long time. Quite clearly most of the sightings are by people dosed up on the local dram, where logs mysteriously turn into humps, and otters grow to 50 times their normal size. Take the photo in the following link. The "bunnies in the cloud" optical illusion may convince you you're seeing a fully grown plesiosaur, but quite clearly it's just a piece of floating debris (possibly a rotten log), shadows form overhanging trees, and reflections in the water. The brain and an over-active imagination do the rest. It's a well-known syndrome called Pareidolia that can affect us all.

Click here for picture of floating debris mistaken as Nessie

Edited by Dave Greer
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"Egads, and forsooth Kathy, I do believe you work for the Scotish tourist board."

Wrong AGAIN, Steve, but I have been promised, should I decide to move over there, a job as records-keeper with the British Turkey Chicken Grooming Association.

Kathy

Edited by Kathy Beckett
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Guest Stephen Turner
"Egads, and forsooth Kathy, I do believe you work for the Scotish tourist board."

Wrong AGAIN, Steve, but I have been promised, should I decide to move over there, a job as records-keeper with the British Turkey Chicken Grooming Association.

Kathy

I had an Uncle who was a Chicken groomer, ended up doing five years for it. :ice

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Guest David Guyatt

Leave the Scots alone.

Just because they wear kilts and feel winter draughts more than most, and speak oddly (with such draughts wouldn't you?), doesn't mean that anyone can take a random potshot at them. They have a special heritage. For example they invented porridge. And while the prison population has more than its fair share of Jocks, it not just about doing time is it. There's those things you stuff under your arm, then squeeze hard and then a noise comes out. I think it's called a musket. Bloody awful things if you ask me.

And did you know that the head Scot is called a "primrose".

That's probably why they wear kilts in the first place, init...

Anyway, I would rather you attack the Welsh. Now there's a nation that's tried to contrive something special about themselves miserably failed. A leek for gawd's sake. At least you can eat it, I suppose, which beats the thistle. Come to think of it, the thistle is edible, too. But you get my point. And, okay, the Welsh wear kilts too. And it's cold there in winter also -- and they also carry those shooty-groany things under their arms. Then there's Lake Bala which has its very own Nessie. Called Rhodrie.

Er.

If you want my really honest opinion, all our energies should be directed at the Irish. What's a Shamrcok anyway? I have it on good authority from my mate Paddy down the pub, that its not even made of stone. So it's just a sham, right. And I've got nothing against Paddies also wearing plaed frocks -- and even though they want to talk about the faery folk, that's their affair. Anyway, I draw a line at those pressy-windy-droney things they put under their arms and squeeze. But enough about their womenfolk.

Bring on the quintesential English, I say:

An elegant red rose for their symbol. Jodhpurs and hacking jackets. Bowlers for headwear. Sheer elegance. A very refreshing way of speaking that even captivated God. Playing cricket with their red balls. A dragon for an emblem (but don't squeeze or she's gets miffed). Toast with butter. Toast with wine. Whine with wine. Pimms. Drinking beer before the Egyptians (providing the sun is over the yardarm -- and it always is somewhere in the world). Cucumber sandwiches. And then Wind in the Willows (so be sure to stand at a distance).

David

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I had an Uncle who was a Chicken groomer, ended up doing five years for it. :news

I'd hereby like to nominate Stephen for the Education Forum's 2007 "Most funny one-liner in a slightly-risque-kind-of-a-way" award.

Any seconders?

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I had an Uncle who was a Chicken groomer, ended up doing five years for it. :news

I'd hereby like to nominate Stephen for the Education Forum's 2007 "Most funny one-liner in a slightly-risque-kind-of-a-way" award.

Any seconders?

In addition, I'd like to nominate him for "Beanie wearer of the Year, 2007" as well.

beanie.jpg

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Loch Ness recieves over two million, yes two million tourists every year. QUESTION, How many do you think would come to this remote, cold windswept place, where the main passtime is tossing the Hagis, and saying "Hoots Mon" in a loud voice, if the fiction of Nessie did not exist?

Actually, if I recall from my time at the U of Edinburgh, one tosses a caber (sp?), which looks like a telephone pole, and hurling it end over end is no mean feat, and eats a Haggis, which is the delightful sausage and rice mixture stuffed (and served) inside a pig's stomach, but though it looks rumply and slimy and wierd is actually quite tasty.

I too have spent my week-end of mystery at Loch Ness, searching for Nessie in the early morning mists. I was not fortunate to have seen her, but certainly think she lives there.

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Say what you will about Scotland, but this has got to be a wee bit of heaven on earth......

The smaller pictures are from the sheep webcam.

Pictures , of course, shown AFTER the commercial

http://www.photoshow.net/watch/AU4Dn9pP

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Guest David Guyatt

Kathy,

I looked at your pictures and saw how they'd been fixed to make them look pastoral and natural. But beneath the photoshop masque I discoverd the real thing:

locharch.gif

Ah, that's better.

David

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Guest Stephen Turner
I had an Uncle who was a Chicken groomer, ended up doing five years for it. :tomatoes

I'd hereby like to nominate Stephen for the Education Forum's 2007 "Most funny one-liner in a slightly-risque-kind-of-a-way" award.

Any seconders?

Yes Dave, I'll second it with relish, I'm thinking there should be some sort of cash award, and nothing triffling either or it will diminish the importance of the occasion. :rolleyes:

BTW, my brother has just informed me that he intends to Holiday at Loch Ness next year!!!!!!!!

Edited by Stephen Turner
Late breaking news.
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