Guest David Guyatt Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 Dave Greer said: Quote Hmmm... I'm starting to smell a rat! That'll teach me to be so generous to lost causes in future Unquote Please refrain from jumping to conclusions… At least before the promised donation arrives. You see, I’ve already booked a table at the Duck’s Fat for a prince’s feast of a night out. Then it’s on a night train to north of the Border, and a quick visit the home of Francis Urquhart, one time incumbent of 10 Downing Street, and a kindly donator of all his worldly goods to the flagstones beneath the tower of the Palace of Westminster. Thence onwards to blow raspberries at the former residence of old Nick – aka Crowley. These things cost money, Dave. So, if you could up the donation a bit more that would help… David Now back to listening to Karl Jenkins wonderful, The Armed Man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Greer Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 What of this, Mr. Turner? Video footage of Nessie.Scottish Tourist board conspiracy---Bah!!! I laugh at you! Explain this one. Oh, and please save the ad homs. This is serious work!!! Kathy Hmmm... you didn't get one of these for your birthday by any chance Kathy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charles Drago Posted September 21, 2007 Share Posted September 21, 2007 ... a quick visit the home of Francis Urquhart, one time incumbent of 10 Downing Street, and a kindly donator of all his worldly goods to the flagstones beneath the tower of the Palace of Westminster ...David I'll be next door at Bill Hayden's place. The resemblance is ... uncanny. Charles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest David Guyatt Posted September 22, 2007 Share Posted September 22, 2007 ... a quick visit the home of Francis Urquhart, one time incumbent of 10 Downing Street, and a kindly donator of all his worldly goods to the flagstones beneath the tower of the Palace of Westminster ...David I'll be next door at Bill Hayden's place. The resemblance is ... uncanny. Charles Charles, as you've guessed the secret, I might as well come clean. Urquhart was, of course, a serpent shape-shifter, which is why his appearance as Nessie strikes such a chord with us all. David Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Greer Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 Loch Ness recieves over two million, yes two million tourists every year. QUESTION, How many do you think would come to this remote, cold windswept place, where the main passtime is tossing the Hagis, and saying "Hoots Mon" in a loud voice, if the fiction of Nessie did not exist? Hoots mon, I think you might be right after all! Nessie Source The Loch Ness monster - a star attraction for decades - is reportedly failing the Scottish Highlands' tourism industry - because so few people are spotting the beast.A handful of purported sightings over the past two years has led to growing skepticism among visitors who used to flock to the region. "It's becoming a potential crisis," said Mikko Takala, 39, a founding member of the Loch Ness Monster Fan Club, who runs four web cameras on the loch's north shore. Scottish Tourism officials were not immediately available to comment on the report, which appeared in The Times. The tourism industry surrounding the monster pumps an estimated £6m into the Scottish Highlands, the report said. Loch Ness, which is roughly 230 metres deep, is the largest and deepest inland expanse of water in Britain, and has been shrouded in mystery. There have been over 4,000 claimed Nessie sightings since it was first allegedly caught on camera by a holidaying surgeon in the 1930s. Since then, the monster's devoted followers have speculated whether it is a completely unknown species, a sturgeon or even a last surviving dinosaur. But an increase in recording equipment and cameras trained on the loch has actually led to a decrease in the number of sightings. But Adrian Shine, 58, a naturalist who has investigated the mystery of the monster for 20 years, says the world has become more skeptical. "I think we live in a more pragmatic age, and that people are becoming more aware of the sort of illusions that can occur on water," he said. After initial excitement, scientists have now said the two separate sightings made this year - in March and May - were most likely caused by wind from nearby hills. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Greer Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 I received this PM from a forum member.Dear Ms. Beckett, I wanted to send this to you as I didn't want to post it myself. You may post this, if you wish, but do not use my name. I am an icthyologist, but I did not post that in my Bio,(Simkin doesn't even know)and for this reason: I spend my time on the PC board, and some of the posters there--in particular, Greer, Turner, Guyatt and their ilk would have great fun picking on me whenever I made a valid point.They would say things such as: "Are you FINished yet?" "My what an interesting SCHOOL of thought!" "Are you BAITING us?" "Is that image SCALED correctly?" and whatever else their devious minds could think of. Please keep me anonymous. Just call me Mr. "Icths". I have spent alot of time at Loch Ness. I am interested in the adipose fin of Brown Trout (Salmo trutta morpha fario)and its purpose w/respect to locomotor function.The Loch is a good area for this study. Anyway, I remember one day a lady whom I met there was telling me that she had seen Nessie around the bank, her head moving in a serpentine fashion around some of the more foliage rich areas. The young lady told me she lived in another area of Scotland, and had heard the stories. She came to see if she could view Nessie and was quite frightened by this, as you can well imagine.. She gave me her email address, but I never contacted her. I am giving it to you, in case you want to. This was years ago, but you can try. (I do not know if the address is still valid.) Good luck in your quest. Here it is: bonniebanks@LLomond.com Sincerely, Mr. "Icths" Kathy, we all know that the sightings of the alleged plesiosaur are simply natural phenomena that have been mistaken by the willing and the easily led indulging in silliness, ie rocks, submerged logs, waves etc. _________n_n_n_P_______________________________________________________________ Och aye, the Scottish Tourist board may be complaining about lack of visitors to see the wee beasty, but they're quite willing to turn a blind eye to the hordes of American tourists picnicking on the banks, strewing twinky bar wrappers all over the place, indulging in typically ostentatious displays usually reserved for baseball games. They flout signposts urging them to refrain from such behaviour as being foreign, having an offensive wife, and loudness, ie rules and regulations banning such behaviour are simply ignored. ________________n_n_n_P________________________________________________________ They disturb the tranquility by cackling to each other on mobile phones, Siemens preferred over Nokia apparently. Why do they insist on broadcasting the minutiae of their sad, pathetic lives to all and sundry? It's almost as if a little civility and common courtesy to other folk is beneath them. Anyway, due to my British reticence I'm not the sort of chap to make waves, so I'll just ignore them. _________________________n_n_n_P_______________________________________________ Loch Ness Monster! Pah! You'll be telling me that subliminal advertising actually works next! In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if some of the gullible fools on this forum claimed they could see Nessie swimming right across their screens!!! ____________________________________n_n_n_P____________________________________ You're really reading far too much into all this Kathy. I'm off to munch a twinky bar now. I may even pour myself a wee dram, unless my secret still has been smashed by Elliot Ness! Is cooling whisky with ice considered sacrilege in Kansas? ________________________________________________n_n_n_P________________________ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest David Guyatt Posted September 30, 2007 Share Posted September 30, 2007 (edited) Oddly enough Kathy, I once met an old trout at Loch Ness, too. J Do fish have linguas? If so, is there a school they can go to teach them how to get their fish linguas around the word Ichthyologist in order to pronounce it properly? I, too, would like to know how to pronounce it properly. Would angling impart this knowledge to me automatically, or need I scale higher, trawl further a field or cast my net wider to succeed in this endeavour? Are these suggestions of mine far too coarse, I wonder? I wait for answers with baited breath and confess to feeling a little battered at not knowing the answer. Btw, is a Gherkin a fish or a vegetable? Or is it one of those Asiatic little fella’s with a curved cooking knife, who gets paid a pittance to fight for our Queen and Country? Meanwhile, other burning questions: do Ichthyologists wear anoraks? Do their collect train numbers when not rummaging around the insides of fish? Do they own knitted hats with bobbles on the top and drink soup from a thermos flask? Questions, questions, questions… Edited September 30, 2007 by David Guyatt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Stephen Turner Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 OK, Here is a handy cut-out-and-keep list of things that are true, or conversely false about Britain, "YOU AT THE BACK, PAY ATTENTION" THINGS THAT ARE TRUE ABOUT BRITAIN. 1, THE SIGNING OF THE MAGNA CARTA. 2, WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE. 3, OUR LOVE OF ROAST BEEF. 4, THE BATTLE OF BRITAIN. 5, THE ZINOVIEV LETTER. 6, "PUBS" 7, OLIVER CROMWELLS DISMISAL OF THE RUMP PARLIAMENT. 8, THE BEATLES. RIGHT, GOT THAT? NOW TRY THIS... THINGS THAT ARE FALSE ABOUT BRITAIN. 1, EVERBODY TALKS LIKE PRINCE CHARLES. 2, ALL CHIMNEY SWEEPS CAN SING AND DANCE. 3, " WARM BEER" 4, ALL SUPER CRIMINALS HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT. 5, THE LABOUR PARTY ARE SOCIALIST. 6, OUR POLICEMEN ARE WONDERFUL. 7, LIVERPUDLIANS ARE ALL FUNNY. AND FINALLY, 8, THE LOCH NESS BLOODY MONSTER......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Greer Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 Dave, I was going to try to come up with something goofy to add here, but I couldn't figure out what to write. I'll just say it. You have one of the most brilliant minds I've seen. You must be a joy...truly. Kathy Aw shucks Kathy. You know we British don't like being singled out for praise in such a way. But I'm going to have to print that one out to show me Mum - she'll be ever so proud! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Stephen Turner Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 What of this, Mr. Turner? Video footage of Nessie.Scottish Tourist board conspiracy---Bah!!! I laugh at you! Explain this one. Oh, and please save the ad homs. This is serious work!!! Kathy Who shot that video,Abraham Zapruder? well done Kathy, another log being moved by the strong currents in the Loch, probably thrown there by drunken, unemployed natives. The Loch has been under CONSTANT 24 hour camera coverage since the early sixties, hugh sonar sweeps have been undertaken on at least six occasions, and the result of all this, a few overdeveloped, blurred photos of nothing in particular, and the constant local refrain, "Oh aye, i've seen yon beastie" either brought about by bare faced lying, or massive over indulgence in the local firewater. I have already told you, these People would sell their own Mother rather than admit to the hugh conspiracy of relieving Mericans from the burdomsome Dollar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Stephen Turner Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 . How will you hold your head up now, Mr. Turner???? Its just a shame that Nessie won't hold her head up, perhaps then someone might be able to take a decent photo of her. My poor deluded Kathy, we would all love to live in a magical world where Santa delivered presents, and elves frolicked at the bottom of our gardens. Is that coffee I smell? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest David Guyatt Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 My poor deluded Kathy, we would all love to live in a magical world where Santa delivered presents, and elves frolicked at the bottom of our gardens. Is that coffee I smell? Hey, woolly-hat man, don't you be disparaging Santa and his elves 'round here. Not while I draw breath. The work that red-faced whiskered guy and his helpers do in a SINGLE day is way beyond anything you can manage. Okay, he has a suit problem and yeah, okay, he needs to loose weight. And he could make an acquaintance with a razor sometimes. But. Just think about this. Even with under floor heating, every home has a chimney pot. Think about it. Think of all those parcels that have to be wrapped and tied. And labelled. Then hauled around on some dumb deer's sledge. Think of all the milk and cookies that poor guy has to tuck into in a single night! Geez. And all we do is talk about some fish critter with a long neck.... David Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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