Zimbabwe to boycott EU-Africa summit in December

[Paul Rigby]

Mugabe, in a speech to Party manacle-manufacturers, last night reinforced Zimbabwe's claim to the moral high-ground: "At least we do our own torture," he boasted, "unlike those cowardly chaps at MI5 and MI6!"

The Foreign Office refused official comment on Mugabe's "crazed and hysterical tirade" (anonymous source), but senior figures at No 10 have conceded that a comparative study of extermination rates in Afghanistan and Iraq versus Rhodesia demonstrated beyond a doubt that US air power does make a difference. "And don't forget that BBC* poll," the source added.

*107% of the pre-teen respondents to a Blue Peter phone-in - following the special insert on "Mugabe: Beastly Black Communist" - called for the wholesale transfer of nationalised assets to leading British mineral extractors.