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Craig Lamson
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»A Day in The Life of a Conspiracy Theorist

November 2nd, 2007

The following original story is fiction, but it could easily be true. It’s ripped from todays headlines, and although hypothetical it provides an accurate and realistic look inside the life of a Conspiracy Theorist - the people who work to investigate things like 9/11 and the Apollo Moon Landing. The search for the truth is unending. And they’ll never rest when they find it…

I woke up this morning and started surfing the net to find out what the latest chatter was from the government propaganda offices. I noticed that the current temperature, according to the national weather service was 61 degrees F in my area. I immediately knew this was a lie, because it came from the government. But the question was: Why? What were they hiding and what was the real temperature?

Sure, most people would just take this lie at face value and mindlessly go about their day. But for me, I couldn’t live like that; denying the obvious, like some kind of sheep… that denies stuff. Just living in blissful ignorance! At that moment I made a decision that I would not look back on: I was going to find out the TRUTH.

I started to dig deeper. I hit up some internet chat boards looking for info. According to the NWS (the national whatever-bush-wants-you-to-think service) my area would be experiencing highs in the “mid 60’s” Funny that they would give such an ambiguous answer, obviously covering their ass. I turned on the TV and just as I had suspected the TV stations were reporting the same thing. Like mindless drones the talking heads spat out the government lies. “Mid 60’s” “Around 66 degrees” “Highs will be in the mid 60’s this afternoon.”

Well, no matter. I knew that big media was in bed with the government before this. I stepped outside. There was a gentle breeze. I felt the air. Hard to tell, but the more I thought about it the more it felt like maybe it was cooler than the reported temperature. The more I thought the more confident I felt. Yes, I could not deny what I could sense. It was a bit cooler than 60.

But what was the temperature? And what was the NWS trying to hide? It must have been something big for them to get all of the news stations and other media involved. I got in my car and looked at the thermometer on my dashboard. “63” it read. HA! Now the story is changing, hm? But it was in line with what the government had said. No surprise. I had taken my car in for an oil change a few weeks ago. It certainly would not have been beyond the capabilities of the CIA or NSA to have the sensor swapped out while they were working under the hood. The place was a Mobil service station: sometimes it’s hard to know where the line is drawn between the government and the big oil companies.

I started to drive, switching on my radio to find that the meteorologist was talking about how it was “seasonable” and that the temperatures have been “relatively mild but will start to get a bit colder in the next few days.” Damn, these guys were going pretty far out of their way to try to convince me of this. As I drove past the bank I looked up at the thermometer. I half laughed to myself sarcastically thinking “Oh sure… I’ll bet that multi-billion dollar operation is honest and not in bed with the Freemasons.”

Before long I was at the airport. I walked in and went to the first desk I saw. “American Airlines” yeah… the America I learned about in history class is a joke. I immediately demanded to speak to the meteorologists on site. The guy looked at me and stated “I’m confused. Wait What?” Not surprising. The little guys are rarely privy to the whole operation.

Before long an NTSB guy was walking up to me “Can I help you?” he asked. “Yeah,” I said, “Tell me where the NWS is and give me back my damn country and my freedom.” He looked perplexed. And said to me “Excuse me? Are you trying to make a threat?” I said no. I only wanted to find out about the weather. Again he looked confused and stated “Yeah, the local NWS. I think they have an office over in the operations building. Um… it’s past the freight terminal. But you know you can’t just go in there. Do you have an appointment to see someone?”

I scowled at him and said I wasn’t surprised. I told him I needed the temperature and I was not going to wait. That’s when things got ugly. The government thug looked at me and said “Look, if you don’t have a flight to catch I suggest you leave right now. You’re lucky I’m being patient with you because we don’t take suspicious activity in an airport lightly.”

With the threat of being detained by that bozo-obviously a tool of the government-I knew things were getting serious. Perhaps I was over my head on this, but I wasn’t about to give up. Things were bigger than I had thought; they were threatening me because I was getting close to the truth.

I sent a text message to my associate Dan, asking him if we could all meet to discuss what was going on. He suggested we see if Ben was home from work at Dunkin Donuts yet. Ben just got an X-Box 360 and he has a really cool finished basement with an air hokey table and some beanbag chairs. Also his sister is pretty hot, but he gets really pissed when we keep saying that.

http://depletedcranium.com/?p=174

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»A Day in The Life of a Conspiracy Theorist

November 2nd, 2007

The following original story is fiction, but it could easily be true. It's ripped from todays headlines, and although hypothetical it provides an accurate and realistic look inside the life of a Conspiracy Theorist - the people who work to investigate things like 9/11 and the Apollo Moon Landing. The search for the truth is unending. And they'll never rest when they find it…

Main problem is that it was none other than The Liberty Lobby that first started pushing this garbage about the

"Moon Landing was Faked" or "9/11 Sponsored by US Gov and the CIA" or Theresa Seay's famous line about a

Liberty Lobby "Spotlight" article claiming that Ma Bell could take your phone headset off-hook to listen in to any conversations behing held withing 20 feet of any extension set. And that was why they encouraged you to install a phone extension in every room, so they could hear everything said in any room. Poor thing was serious, too. Her

husband: "UDont" Seay used to sit there silently on the stage while she poked a yardstick under his arm then besides his head to prove her theories about the flight paths of various bullets. Anyone remember that little show?

And I maintain that Liberty Lobby and Spotlight deliberately intermix wacko conspiracy theories with anti-Gov rhetoric and partially logical and barely conceivable theories until Spotlight fans like Terry Mauro and Dan Jennings can not even tell the difference. Sad but true.

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Guest David Guyatt

Craig, me old luv, you seem to have swallowed a syllogism for breakfast and regurgitated it in the afternoon. Doesn't look or smell the same coming out as it did going in... do it.

All conspiracy is theory, therefore all conspiracists are theorists - ergo all them thar conspiracy theorists are all the same apples.

Your beginning premise is your afternoon offering, dearie. That's the problem.

Take something unpleasant tasting to settle your heaving stomach and lie down with a cold cloth on your forehead in a darkened room.

You'll be better in the morning.

David

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Craig, me old luv, you seem to have swallowed a syllogism for breakfast and regurgitated it in the afternoon. Doesn't look or smell the same coming out as it did going in... do it.

All conspiracy is theory, therefore all conspiracists are theorists - ergo all them thar conspiracy theorists are all the same apples.

Your beginning premise is your afternoon offering, dearie. That's the problem.

Take something unpleasant tasting to settle your heaving stomach and lie down with a cold cloth on your forehead in a darkened room.

You'll be better in the morning.

David

Humor lost on you David?

Edited by Craig Lamson
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Guest Stephen Turner

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A CONSPIRACY THEORIST, PART TWO.

GOT UP, HAD BREAKFAST, SAID GOODBYE TO MY WIFE AND KIDS WENT TO WORK, WORKED, CAME HOME, ATE DINNER, WATCHED TV, WENT ON THE INTERNET, WENT TO BED, FOUND WIFE AND KIDS HAD BEEN SECRETLY REPLICATED BY CIA.

GOT UP, HAD BREAKFAST.......................................................................

...............................................................................

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A Day In The Life of a Conspiracy Theorist - Part III

It's unbelievable! Today, I awoke unexpectedly .and felt just fine. I am happy and content. My government works hard for me and I appreciate them. I have nothing else to say. Amazing!

Edited by Evan Burton
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A Day In The Life of a Conspiracy Theorist - Part III

It's unbelievable! Today, I awoke unexpectedly .and felt just fine. I am happy and content. My government works hard for me and I appreciate them. I have nothing else to say. Amazing!

Since you seem to know one of the residents, would you share the postal code for Stepford?

Charles

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A Day In The Life of a Conspiracy Theorist - Part III

It's unbelievable! Today, I awoke unexpectedly .and felt just fine. I am happy and content. My government works hard for me and I appreciate them. I have nothing else to say. Amazing!

Since you seem to know one of the residents, would you share the postal code for Stepford?

Charles

Huh?

Sorry, but you lost me on that one, Charles.

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A Day In The Life of a Conspiracy Theorist - Part III

It's unbelievable! Today, I awoke unexpectedly .and felt just fine. I am happy and content. My government works hard for me and I appreciate them. I have nothing else to say. Amazing!

Since you seem to know one of the residents, would you share the postal code for Stepford?

Charles

Huh?

Sorry, but you lost me on that one, Charles.

The Stepford Wives -- a novel, film, and film remake -- is the story of Stepford, Connecticut, a near-utopian American upper-middle class community where all the ladies are just so happy and content as they work hard for their appreciative husbands. Bombshells one and all, by the way, impeccably and arousingly attired and made-up at all times. Never a complaint. Always a smile. Spectacular under the sheets, over the table, next to the couch, in the shower, out of doors ...

Just one problem: They're literally robots.

Hope this helps.

Charles

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Guest David Guyatt

Charles,

Over the table!

Blimey - Tiffin combined with lunch in one sitting.

Oops. I mean in one “standing”.

Obviously, the inclusion of the word “in” in the foregoing sentence might be misconstrued and could be confusing for the more worldly wise. And besides, it raises the spectre of some interesting acrobatics if it applies to the one standing.

And only one would be standing, in fact.

However, if the word “over” changed to “on” then we could forget standing and go back to sitting.

Confused?

I am. Happily so…

David

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Guest David Guyatt
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A CONSPIRACY THEORIST, PART TWO.

GOT UP, HAD BREAKFAST, SAID GOODBYE TO MY WIFE AND KIDS WENT TO WORK, WORKED, CAME HOME, ATE DINNER, WATCHED TV, WENT ON THE INTERNET, WENT TO BED, FOUND WIFE AND KIDS HAD BEEN SECRETLY REPLICATED BY CIA.

GOT UP, HAD BREAKFAST.......................................................................

...............................................................................

And now you have two wives and two sets of children? ;->

Are you sure this was a wise move, Steve?

Next time send them a large banknote. They're much more experienced in that department.

David

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A Day In The Life of a Conspiracy Theorist - Part III

It's unbelievable! Today, I awoke unexpectedly .and felt just fine. I am happy and content. My government works hard for me and I appreciate them. I have nothing else to say. Amazing!

Since you seem to know one of the residents, would you share the postal code for Stepford?

Charles

Huh?

Sorry, but you lost me on that one, Charles.

The Stepford Wives -- a novel, film, and film remake -- is the story of Stepford, Connecticut, a near-utopian American upper-middle class community where all the ladies are just so happy and content as they work hard for their appreciative husbands. Bombshells one and all, by the way, impeccably and arousingly attired and made-up at all times. Never a complaint. Always a smile. Spectacular under the sheets, over the table, next to the couch, in the shower, out of doors ...

Just one problem: They're literally robots.

Hope this helps.

Charles

OH! Sorry - I didn't get the reference. No, don't know the place... but if you get the location, do tell me!

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