Jokes

[John Simkin]

It is ridiculous to say that men cannot multi-task. I know several men who can make love and think of another woman at the same time.

A married man once told me that he was invited back to the hotel room of a very attractive woman. He was so excited he could not perform. He solved the problem by thinking about his wife.

[John Dolva]

I think a better solution is to think of the British Empire. Then you dont have to bother getting exited in the first place

[Cigdem Göle]

Perfect English

Doctor's office, Rome:

Specialist In Women and Other Diseases

In an elevator, China :

Be sure not to take lift when on fire.

In a hotel, Japan :

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Dry Cleaners, Bangkok:

Drop your trousers here for the best results.

In a Nairobi restaurant:

Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.

Tokyo Hotel's rules and regulations:

Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviours in bed.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel :

You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:

We take your bags and send them in all directions.

In a shop in Ephesus, Turkey:

Genuine Fake Watches

Outside a Paris clothes shop:

Dresses for street walking.

In an elevator, Malta:

Attention In an Emergency

When the lift stops because of power cut,do not be afraid but stay calm. Do not touch the door nor the pushes of numbers 0,1,2,3. But you have to shout until somebody hears you.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:

Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Budapest zoo:

Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:

Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

[John Simkin]

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know.... The one that's red and has thorns..'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

[Kathleen Collins]

I laughed my ass off at this. It's a Jerry Lewis impersonator and the concept is Jerry's selling an album of his songs. Every song has the word "lady" in it. It's under 2 minutes and it's hysterical.

Kathy C

[Cigdem Göle]

Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

[John Dolva]

monty python bruce sketch

[Guest]

monty python bruce sketch

and more in keeping with what goes on here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb_qHP7VaZE

[John Dolva]

monty python bruce sketch

and more in keeping with what goes on here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb_qHP7VaZE

and this one too...

[Guest]

monty python bruce sketch

and more in keeping with what goes on here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb_qHP7VaZE

and this one too...

precisely.

[John Simkin]

monty python bruce sketch

and more in keeping with what goes on here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb_qHP7VaZE

Of course, Terry Jones, who wrote this scene, is a conspiracy theorist.

[Guest]

monty python bruce sketch

and more in keeping with what goes on here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb_qHP7VaZE

Of course, Terry Jones, who wrote this scene, is a conspiracy theorist.

That must be evidence of something I am sure.

[Evan Burton]

What's the difference between Iceland and Ireland?

6 months and a letter.

[John Dolva]

You've gotta explain that one, Evan. (our scandinavian jokes from my childhood in scandinavia were different). One I heard here in Oz I like . two danes, two swedes, two norwegians and two finns were stranded on a desert isle. After a year the danes had started a furniture co-op, the norwegians a fishing fleet, the finns a still and the swedes wern't talking because they hadn't been introduced yet.

Edited February 12, 2010 by John Dolva

[Evan Burton]

I heard that it's the latest financial joke, highlighting the financial woes of the two countries. It appears Ireland is suffering the same fate that happened to Iceland.