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Jean Walker

Education Jokes

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Not sure which topic this should be in, but what about some teacher jokes? In good taste, of course!!!

Came across thos on on another UK site recently:

How many teachers does it take to change a light-bulb? Well hang on a minute! You can't go changing a light-bulb just like that. You need a plan - long, medium and short-term - or your method of changing the bulb will be in question. And of course, you need to be very clear what you are trying to achieve by changing it - that will need writing down and handing out to anybody who happens to be watching you change the light-bulb. Furthermore, some account will need to be made for the fact that the light bulb may not be very bright - you can't just discard it. You will also need to spend time assessing your procedure after the event, with a clear emphasis on taking the bulb-changing process to the next stage. Oh and there is the question of changing other bulbs on a voluntary basis after hours...

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The best Irish joke (and this one is in very good taste) I ever heard goes as follows:

An English builder is keen to implement the EU’s policy of job mobility, so he advertises a job in an international trade paper. Three applicants turn up: a Frenchman, a German and an Irishman. When the builder interviews them he points out that a basic knowledge of English is essential, especially of terms used in the building trade, so he has devised a little test. He asks each one of them the same question: “ Can you explain to me the difference between ‘girder’ and ‘joist’?”

The Frenchman shrugs his shoulders, admitting that he does not understand the terms. The German also admits that he has no idea.

Before the builder puts the question to the Irishman, he says “I know you speak English, but in the interests of equal treatment I have to ask you the same question as the other two: “What is the difference between ‘girder’ and ‘joist’?”

The Irishman replies, “Sure, everyone knows that. Goethe wrote ‘Faust’ and Joyce wrote ‘Ulysses’.”

I guess most people know that what the English call Irish jokes originated as Kerryman jokes in Ireland – and there are some very good ones.

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There's a variation on the "How many teachers does it take to change a light-bulb?" joke:

How many computer programmers does it take to change a light-bulb?

None, it's a hardware problem!

... and more:

http://maxx.linc.ox.ac.uk/~pilly/Jokes/Bad.../lightbulb.html

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This is broadly in line with the theme of teacher humour: ways of making a staff meeting less boring. Apparently, all have been tried!

1. Spike the Chair's water jug with vodka.

2. Drop a bra and a pack of playing cards on the floor. Spend a long time picking up and sorting the cards.

3. If a computer is in the room set up a screensaver containing a series of photographs of Pamela Anderson, timed to kick in around 20 minutes after the meeting has started.

4. Tape a Christmas Card containing an electronic device that keeps playing "Jingle Bells" under the table.

5. Play "Bullxxxx Bingo":

http://www.avigsidan.com/avigsidan/bb_bingo_en.html

The above site explains the rules and shows a bingo card containing general bullxxxx terms. Any suggestions for a education version?

See also:

http://www.mailbase.org.uk/lists/linguanet...03-07/0241.html

for more examples, all of which bar one have been tried.

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Nice one, Derek! And the rest are good too!

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Teacher, telling his elderly mother that he has a new job:

"Mum, I've got a new job."

"Well done! Where is it?"

"At the DFES."

"That's nice. They make lovely sofas!"

Coming back to "Bullxxxx Bingo", I remembered that I had already done some work on a set of education terms. I found the following list in a file on my hard disk.

new strategy

entitlement

empowerment

action research

reflective practice

pupil-centered

SMT

facilitation

pilot

CPD

creativity

gifted and talented

SEN

needs analysis

cross-curricular

learning environment

value-added

league table

LEA

knowledge, skills and understanding

aims and objectives

threshold assessment

lifelong learning

differentiation

OFSTED

SATs

attainment targets

inclusion

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Just happened to look at this thread and saw your Edspeak jargon list, Graeme. Don't know if it's hit the UK yet, but the latest here are: enhanced (ie everything has to be enhanced even if it's already "excellent"), capacity building (ie you have to find some way of doing it even if you haven't got the resources), "around" as in you now talk "around" everything instead of about them (how did we manage to communicate when all we had was "about"???) :unsure: Scoping (ie figuring out what's needed) :huh:

There must be others??

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Sorry, Graham - wrong spelling of name - it's Friday night here!!

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Two old men were sitting next to each other on the London subway (tube). Their hearing wasn't so good.

One says, "Is this Wembley?"

"No," the other says, "It's Thursday."

The first replies, "No thanks, I already had a drink."

------------

A student, who is studying English as a foreign language, was confused when he saw the words "open here" on a box of laundry soap, so he asks the clerk, "Can't I wait until I get home to open it?"

---------

Teacher: Are you nervous?

Student: No, I am not. I am single.

----------

A true story (happened in my class)

In a grammar pop quiz for the beginner level students.

Q : Give an example for comparative adjectives.

A : teach - teacher

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In America, public education is a joke.

Is that true of all states? I did some teaching in New England and I was very impressed with the standard of education. Mind you, that was nearly 30 years ago.

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Date : 11/09/2009

Location :AU, School of Foreign Languages

Edited by Cigdem Göle

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