Armstrong confesses

[Jack White]

SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY

Conspiracy Theorist Convinces Neil Armstrong Moon Landing Was Faked

AUGUST 31, 2009 | ISSUE 45•36

A 1969 photo showing Armstrong, or anyone, really, standing on the surface of the "moon."

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NASA Embarks On Epic Delay

Onion News Network:

Astronaut Suspects NASA Using Him To Test Space's Effects On Fat People

08.13.08

Onion News Network:

LEBANON, OHIO—Apollo 11 mission commander and famed astronaut Neil Armstrong shocked reporters at a press conference Monday, announcing he had been convinced that his historic first step on the moon was part of an elaborate hoax orchestrated by the United States government.

According to Armstrong, he was forced to reconsider every single detail of the monumental journey after watching a few persuasive YouTube videos, and reading several blog posts on conspiracy theorist Ralph Coleman's website, OmissionControl.org.

"It only took a few hastily written paragraphs published by this passionate denier of mankind's so-called 'greatest technological achievement' for me to realize I had been living a lie, " said a visibly emotional Armstrong, addressing reporters at his home. "It has become painfully clear to me that on July 20, 1969, the Lunar Module under the control of my crew did not in fact travel 250,000 miles over eight days, touch down on the moon, and perform various experiments, ushering in a new era for humanity. Instead, the entire thing was filmed on a soundstage, most likely in New Mexico."

"This is the only logical interpretation of the numerous inconsistencies in the grainy, 40-year-old footage," Armstrong added.

Amstrong was swayed by OmissionControl's use of bolding and capital letters to highlight NASA's many blatant fallacies.

Although Armstrong said he "could have sworn" he felt the effects of zero gravity while soaring out of the Earth's atmosphere and through space, he now believed his memory must be flawed. He also admitted feeling "ashamed" that he had failed to notice the rippling of the American flag he and Buzz Aldrin planted on the surface, blaming his lack of awareness on the bulkiness of the spacesuit and his excitement about traveling to the "moon."

"That rippling is not possible in the vacuum of space," Armstrong said. "It must have been the wind from an air-conditioning duct that I didn't recognize because you can't hear a damn thing inside those helmets."

"This is all just common sense, people," he added. "It's the moon. You can't land on the moon."

In a symbolic display of his newfound skepticism, Armstrong then grabbed a collection of moon rocks he had kept as souvenirs and dramatically dumped them into a trash can.

One of the main arguments posited on Coleman's website—that America could not, in 1969, have realistically possessed the technological capabilities needed to put a man on the moon—was reportedly one of the first things to cause the legendary astronaut a pang of doubt. Despite having spent thousands of hours training for the historic mission under the guidance of the world's top scientists, technicians, and pilots, Armstrong said he knew the conspiracy theories were true after learning that website author Coleman was "quite the engineering buff."

"Yes, at the time I thought those thousands of NASA employees were working round the clock for the same incredible goal, but if anyone would know what was really going on, it would be Ralph Coleman," Armstrong said of the 31-year-old part-time librarian's assistant. "He knows a lot more about faked moon landings than I ever could. He's been researching the subject on the Internet for years."

"Literally years," he added.

Addressing another inconsistency brought to light by OmissionControl, Armstrong explained he was probably so focused on piloting the lunar module that he failed to notice that one of the moon rocks visible in footage of the landing appears to have the letter 'C' stamped on it. An emotional Armstrong said that the only possible explanation for this detail was that the rock actually came from NASA's prop department.

"They forgot to turn it over," Armstrong said, removing his eyeglasses to wipe away tears. "Those lying bastards at NASA went through all the trouble to fake the moon landing, but they forgot to turn over one little prop rock. And now the whole damn thing's blowing up in their faces."

Although Armstrong initially questioned why the U.S. would attempt such an elaborate cover-up, he cited one overarching explanation provided by Coleman: that it was a ploy to defeat the Soviet Union and fulfill the Illuminati's plan to unify the world's banks and control the dissemination of information.

"Just ask Ralph Coleman," Armstrong said. "He'll answer any questions you have."

To conclude the press conference, Armstrong showed reporters footage of his first steps on the moon to demonstrate that the most daming evidence was "right under our noses." Speeding up the tape and replaying the graceful moonwalk several times in a row, Armstrong explained that the iconic images of humanity's triumphant dance with the cosmos was actually just a film of him walking backwards, slowed down, and played in reverse.

"What other explanation could there be?" Armstrong asked. "It's all right here. Everything is all right here if you'd just open your damn eyes and see!"

Added Armstrong, "I suppose it really was one small step for man, one giant lie for mankind."

[Craig Lamson]

SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY

Conspiracy Theorist Convinces Neil Armstrong Moon Landing Was Faked

AUGUST 31, 2009 | ISSUE 45•36

A 1969 photo showing Armstrong, or anyone, really, standing on the surface of the "moon."

RELATED ARTICLE

NASA Embarks On Epic Delay

Onion News Network:

Astronaut Suspects NASA Using Him To Test Space's Effects On Fat People

08.13.08

Onion News Network:

LEBANON, OHIO—Apollo 11 mission commander and famed astronaut Neil Armstrong shocked reporters at a press conference Monday, announcing he had been convinced that his historic first step on the moon was part of an elaborate hoax orchestrated by the United States government.

According to Armstrong, he was forced to reconsider every single detail of the monumental journey after watching a few persuasive YouTube videos, and reading several blog posts on conspiracy theorist Ralph Coleman's website, OmissionControl.org.

"It only took a few hastily written paragraphs published by this passionate denier of mankind's so-called 'greatest technological achievement' for me to realize I had been living a lie, " said a visibly emotional Armstrong, addressing reporters at his home. "It has become painfully clear to me that on July 20, 1969, the Lunar Module under the control of my crew did not in fact travel 250,000 miles over eight days, touch down on the moon, and perform various experiments, ushering in a new era for humanity. Instead, the entire thing was filmed on a soundstage, most likely in New Mexico."

"This is the only logical interpretation of the numerous inconsistencies in the grainy, 40-year-old footage," Armstrong added.

Amstrong was swayed by OmissionControl's use of bolding and capital letters to highlight NASA's many blatant fallacies.

Although Armstrong said he "could have sworn" he felt the effects of zero gravity while soaring out of the Earth's atmosphere and through space, he now believed his memory must be flawed. He also admitted feeling "ashamed" that he had failed to notice the rippling of the American flag he and Buzz Aldrin planted on the surface, blaming his lack of awareness on the bulkiness of the spacesuit and his excitement about traveling to the "moon."

"That rippling is not possible in the vacuum of space," Armstrong said. "It must have been the wind from an air-conditioning duct that I didn't recognize because you can't hear a damn thing inside those helmets."

"This is all just common sense, people," he added. "It's the moon. You can't land on the moon."

In a symbolic display of his newfound skepticism, Armstrong then grabbed a collection of moon rocks he had kept as souvenirs and dramatically dumped them into a trash can.

One of the main arguments posited on Coleman's website—that America could not, in 1969, have realistically possessed the technological capabilities needed to put a man on the moon—was reportedly one of the first things to cause the legendary astronaut a pang of doubt. Despite having spent thousands of hours training for the historic mission under the guidance of the world's top scientists, technicians, and pilots, Armstrong said he knew the conspiracy theories were true after learning that website author Coleman was "quite the engineering buff."

"Yes, at the time I thought those thousands of NASA employees were working round the clock for the same incredible goal, but if anyone would know what was really going on, it would be Ralph Coleman," Armstrong said of the 31-year-old part-time librarian's assistant. "He knows a lot more about faked moon landings than I ever could. He's been researching the subject on the Internet for years."

"Literally years," he added.

Addressing another inconsistency brought to light by OmissionControl, Armstrong explained he was probably so focused on piloting the lunar module that he failed to notice that one of the moon rocks visible in footage of the landing appears to have the letter 'C' stamped on it. An emotional Armstrong said that the only possible explanation for this detail was that the rock actually came from NASA's prop department.

"They forgot to turn it over," Armstrong said, removing his eyeglasses to wipe away tears. "Those lying bastards at NASA went through all the trouble to fake the moon landing, but they forgot to turn over one little prop rock. And now the whole damn thing's blowing up in their faces."

Although Armstrong initially questioned why the U.S. would attempt such an elaborate cover-up, he cited one overarching explanation provided by Coleman: that it was a ploy to defeat the Soviet Union and fulfill the Illuminati's plan to unify the world's banks and control the dissemination of information.

"Just ask Ralph Coleman," Armstrong said. "He'll answer any questions you have."

To conclude the press conference, Armstrong showed reporters footage of his first steps on the moon to demonstrate that the most daming evidence was "right under our noses." Speeding up the tape and replaying the graceful moonwalk several times in a row, Armstrong explained that the iconic images of humanity's triumphant dance with the cosmos was actually just a film of him walking backwards, slowed down, and played in reverse.

"What other explanation could there be?" Armstrong asked. "It's all right here. Everything is all right here if you'd just open your damn eyes and see!"

Added Armstrong, "I suppose it really was one small step for man, one giant lie for mankind."

The Onion? ROFLMAO!

[Evan Burton]

It's a crack up.

Two Indian papers actually reported it, thinking it was real!!!!!

[Dave Greer]

It's beyond me how those foreign papers even considered this to be a serious article, regardless of whether they knew the Onion was a satirical site or not. It's swimming with sarcasm. I guess it doesn't translate too well: either that or it was an exceedingly slow news day in India.

[Mike Tribe]

Here's another interesting article from The Onion...

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/congr...ked_over_how_to

The truth will out!

[John Bevilaqua]

Wow for a minute there, I thought this was going to be about John Armstrong's long awaited confession, regarding his

actual background as a truly sympathetic White Russian Solidartist, pro-Czarist, born and bred Ukrainian supporter of the first

magnitude.

In many ways John Armstrong should have been the one to discover and expose The Suvarov Union pro-Nazi sympathizers in Argentina,

who were associated with both Lt. Gen. Pedro A. del Valle, Willoughby and Vonsiatsky, and Anastase Vonsiatsky from Thompson, Connecticut

and his band of White Russian Fascists and pro-Nazis. And Armstrong might have also discussed Spas T. Raikin's close associate Yaroslaw Stetsko

yet another Ukrainian Fascist and accused leader of the Lvov Pogrom of over 6.000 Jews in a door-to-door hunt and his wife Slava Stetsko with

the World Anti-Communist League during their exile in Munich, West Germany, but I guess that is never going to happen either.

Oh well, one can always hope, right?

[Kathleen Collins]

Wow for a minute there, I thought this was going to be about John Armstrong's long awaited confession, regarding his

actual background as a truly sympathetic White Russian Solidartist, pro-Czarist, born and bred Ukrainian supporter of the first

magnitude.

In many ways John Armstrong should have been the one to discover and expose The Suvarov Union pro-Nazi sympathizers in Argentina,

who were associated with both Lt. Gen. Pedro A. del Valle, Willoughby and Vonsiatsky, and Anastase Vonsiatsky from Thompson, Connecticut

and his band of White Russian Fascists and pro-Nazis. And Armstrong might have also discussed Spas T. Raikin's close associate Yaroslaw Stetsko

yet another Ukrainian Fascist and accused leader of the Lvov Pogrom of over 6.000 Jews in a door-to-door hunt and his wife Slava Stetsko with

the World Anti-Communist League during their exile in Munich, West Germany, but I guess that is never going to happen either.

Oh well, one can always hope, right?

I agree. I thought this would be about John Armstrong, author of Harvey and Lee -- 2 Owalds. What does he know about Lee Oswald, what happened to him? And Donald O. Norton, Ralph Geb. Is this Oswald alive or dead? Armstrong should tell us about Donald O. Norton.

Kathy Collins

[John Bevilaqua]

It's beyond me how those foreign papers even considered this to be a serious article, regardless of whether they knew the Onion was a satirical site or not. It's swimming with sarcasm. I guess it doesn't translate too well: either that or it was an exceedingly slow news day in India.

I guess you never had the pleasure of working with foreign born and "educated" HB-1's on complex computer systems did you? Here are some

examples of the benefits of these attempts at cost savings on a Real Estate Property Appraisal System done in Hopkinton, MA:

1) The data field for Asking Price was sized at: $99,999.99 in the late1990's in Massachusetts when the average home sale price was

about $250,000 When asked why these fields were set at under $100,000 the reply was that: "You can get a nice home for under $100,000

in India or Pakistan... a really nice home." And when asked why pennies were included in the price when no one uses pennies for an Asking Price for a Real Estate transaction, the answer was that: "We were taught that sometimes it is important to pay attention to these kinds of details."

2) It became obvious that the developer had no clue what the term "Real Estate Comps" actually meant and that he was too embarrassed or self conscious to ask what it meant even after 6 months of effort, for fear of losing face or appearing stupid. He thought it meant "Real Estate Components" like bedrooms, bathrooms, and lot size, instead of "Real Estate Comparables" for "Listed Comps" and "Sold Comps" and "Assessed Comps".

3) Then all the original character based fields for number of bedrooms, number of bathrooms, square footage of the lot, etc. were laboriously and

meticulously and moronically converted to numeric fields in the database, on the input screens, within the code and inside all the already working reports at a cost of over $100,000 of over budget efforts. He had no explanation as to why he made the changes when everything worked fine as it was using

character equivalents. "Well someone may want to add together the number of bedrooms in one house to the number of bedrooms in another

house or something like that or subtract one from the other." If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

4) The final straw came when the subject of error checking subroutines came up which he claimed did not even exist. "NO ERROR CHECKING for what was then U.S. Government based Mortgage Applications?", I asked. "That is right.", he replied with confidence. We were later watching some of the data entry people actually entering data into the existing system at breakneck speed. And finally some of them threw some errors which appeared as pop-up message boxes. I asked him where the code was that which performed all these error checks. And he said "There isn't any error checking going on. Just typing!"

Upon further review I discovered the error checking routines for each mortgage provider which encompassed yet another 50,000 lines of code that had

to be converted at an effort of another $1,000,000+ in over-runs.

It just went on and on for 6-12 more months of issues like this and his original project estimate for the project was about $75,000 and by the time

it was done the budget was well over $1,000,000 and climbing. It took 5 programmers almost 4 years each to write and debug the original system which was 20 person years of effort, of course, because it had to interface with FNMA, Freddie Mac, GNMA and HUD forms and data interfaces but he thought he could save so much time since he and his buddies were so much smarter than the original programmers. Guess not. At the last minute another 12 programmers were added who worked overtime for 12-15 more months to finish the project for a net loss of over $1,000,000 to the company. His reply: "Well I thought that $75,000 was a lot of money for the project and that it would return a good profit." Guess not.

"That is NOT the way you are SUPPOSED to DO that, you stupid moron! Why don't you pay attention to what others are telling you and ASK QUESTIONS!"

It really makes me laugh when major Corporations think they are saving so much money by sending jobs overseas. Everyone tried it and almost everyone

has retrenched from their original approach to off-shore development. Once at Bank of America the offshore group kept referring to what was going

to be happening during a so-called upcoming Labor Day meeting and when and where a meeting would be held on "September 31st" and what the topics

would be. We all just looked at each other and shook our heads because both issues had been discussed several times before that with the same person.

After all was said and done the same Bank of America project's "Center of Excellence" in Bombay started extensive work on a Java based Report Writer which needed a certain version of the Sun Java Runtime Engine as the default Engine to be active and installed while almost every PC at Bank of American already had another mainframe 3278 emulation package running on it that needed IBM's version of the Java Runtime Engine which was incompatible with the required Sun Java Runtime Engine and the Report Writer. Before switching from one application (Accounts Payable) to the other one (Mainframe Account Information) they all had to run a batch file to make the desired Runtime Engine active, then reboot the PC in order for that one to become loaded and active. When they calculated the time that would be wasted by over 25,000 Bank of American employees every day during the switch overs and reboots 4-5 times a day (10,000 hours a day or 5 person years) they threw out the "Center of Excellence's" choice for Report Writer. How much was wasted by the Bombay "Center of Excellence" ("Center of Incompetence") on development of these reports running on their brand new standalone machines which did not even come close to matching the "standard" Bank of America installation? About $1,500,000 is all. LOFL. This was all done at the crack(ed) Johnston, RI high profile BoA "Development Center" near Factory Mutual until it was later moved down to Charlotte, NC. What a "Revolting Development" that entire project was.

More horror stories later. "That's NOT the WAY you're SUPPOSED to DO IT, guys!"

Edited September 6, 2009 by John Bevilaqua

[John Bevilaqua]

It's a crack up.

Two Indian papers actually reported it, thinking it was real!!!!!

Apparently when Orson Welles was doing his "War of the Worlds" radio broadcast (in the 1930's or 1940's) hundreds of people called their local police departments asking them if they heard about the ongoing invasion from outer space by hostile aliens and to find out if they had reached Paducah, Kentucky or Peoria, Illinois yet and whether or not they should evacuate or go and get their rifles to help out.

Seems to me that the "Red Scare" specialists from The John Birch Society, The Liberty Lobby and The American Security Council in the 1950's and 1960's borrowed this concept from Orson Welles and the sponsoring radio broadcasters in order to frighten people into making contributions to them to fight the "Red Menace", and supporting the Pentagon and the DoD by allowing taxes to be raised in order to meet this preceived monstrous threat. The amount of money spent on books and periodicals and Garden Club Meetings by little old ladies from Pasadena was just enormous. Remember the movie: "The Russians are Coming! The Russians are Coming!" Same concept. And for a while there Lt. Col. Philip J. Corso had our own John Armstrong and all our little old ladies from Pasadena convinced that not only the Rooskies, but pipsqueaks like David Ferrie and mythical forces like the "Monkey Virus", "particle beam transmissions", "nanothermite" and Aliens from Area 51 were also a threat to his quiet night's sleep and while he was walking his dog. Apparently David Ferrie, the Monkey Virus (AIDS) and Space Aliens were even considered a major threat to our National Security and many of his acolytes and the servile, fawning cohorts actually fell for it. What a country!

Some of you still think that the movie, Dr. Strangelove, with Peter Sellers about "How to stop worrying and learn to love the Bomb!" was a gross over-exaggeration but in fact it was not all that far from the truth as preceived by some of those Pentagon octagenerians whom JFK kicked off the invitation list for his staff meetings and briefings. Gen. Thomas Lane, I think it was, even wanted to "destroy the works of man in Viet Nam" by using nuclear weapons. For the most part people like Charles Willoughby had a secondary ulterior motive to incite a 3rd World War over the 48th Parallel in Korea, over the Iron Curtain, or over the Straits of Cuba between the 2 powers who dared to oppose the Third Reich during World War II. Then, and only then, could the Fourth Reich rise from the ashes after a nuclear holocaust between Russia and the USA and truly control the world. And if you can not accept that as reality, you need to reassess your approach to the whole JFK conundrum and to the entire The Cold War and to McCarthyism, the persecution of Alger Hiss and The Hollywood Ten, my friends. It was only the much saner and reasonable approaches from Harry Truman, Dean Rusk, Dean Acheson and JFK which prevented this Armageddon from becoming a reality. You should just thank your lucky stars that The John Birch Society, The American Security Council, the Young Americans for Freedom and The Liberty Lobby plus all their founders, followers and acolytes have for the most part been relegated to the scrap heap of ignominy and shame.

You have no idea how close we all came to oblivion during The Korean War, The Viet Nam War, The Russian Missile Crisis and period before and after The Bay of Pigs invasion. No idea at all. And you worry about Mary, Ferrie and the Monkey Virus instead. Speaking of The Monkey Virus, whatever happened to our own McCarthyism acolyte, Bill Kelly? Cat got his tongue?

Edited September 6, 2009 by John Bevilaqua