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E-Christmas Cards


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Jean writes:

How about some cheerful e-Christmas Cards. I love this one, sent to me by a mutual dog lover.

Yes, I saw it last year. Lovely, isn't it?

I'm a dog lover too and an owner of a retired racing greyhound called Swifty - the fourth that we have adopted over a period of more than 20 years. Have a look at the Christmas card on the homepage of Wimbledon Greyhound Welfare:

http://www.greyhoundwelfare.homestead.com/

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For all you Computer nerds out there - a bit corny but appropriate.

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

Internet Style

'Twas the night before Christmas,

when all through the Net,

There were hacker's a surfing.

Geeks? Yeah, you bet.

The e-mails were stacked by

the modem with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas

soon would be there.

The newbies were nestled

all snug by their screens,

While visions of Java

danced in their dreams.

My wife on the sofa

and me with a snack,

We just settled down

at my rig (it's a Mac).

When out in the Web

there arose such a clatter,

I jumped to the site

to see what was the matter.

To a new page my Mac

flew like a flash,

Then made a slight gurgle.

It started to crash!!

I gasped at the thought

and started to grouse,

Then turned my head sideways

and clicked on my mouse.

When what to my wondering

eyes should appear,

My Mac jumped to a page

that wasn't quite clear.

When the image resolved,

so bright and so quick,

I knew in a moment

it must be St. Nick!

More rapid than mainframes,

more graphics they came,

Then Nick glanced toward my screen,

my Mac called them by name.

"Now Compaq! Now Acer!",

my speaker did reel;

"On Apple! On Gateway!"

Santa started to squeal!

"Jump onto the circuits!

And into the chip!

Now speed it up! Speed it up!

Make this thing hip!"

The screen gave a flicker,

he was into my RAM,

Then into my room

rose a full hologram!

He was dressed in all red,

from his head to his shoes,

Which were black

(the white socks he really should lose).

He pulled out some discs

he had stored in his backpack.

Santa looked like a dude

who was rarin' to hack!

His eyes, how they twinkled!

His glasses, how techno!

This ain't the same Santa

that I used to know!

With a wink of his eye

and a nod of his head,

Santa soon let me know

I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word,

gave my Mac a quick poke,

And accessed my C drive

with only a stroke.

He defragged my hard drive,

and added a SIMM,

Then threw in some cool games,

just on a whim!

He worked without noise,

his fingers they flew!

He distorted some pictures

with Kai's Power Goo!

He updated Office,

Excel and Quicken,

Then added a screensaver

with a red clucking chicken!

My eyes widened a bit,

my mouth stood agape,

As he added the latest

version of Netscape.

The drive gave a whirl,

as if it were pleased,

St. Nick coyly smiled,

the computer appeased.

Then placing his finger

on the bridge of his nose,

Santa turned into nothing

but ones and zeros!

He flew back into my screen

and through my uplink,

Back into the net

with barely a blink.

But I heard his sweet voice

as he flew from my sight,

"Happy surfing to all,

and to all a good byte!"

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