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One of the things people do at parties is tell jokes. Here are some of the jokes that I like.

(1) "An American Indian paid a visit to New York. While shopping in a store, he got into conversation with the storekeeper, who asked:

'And how do you like our city?'

'Fine,' replied the Indian. 'And how do you like our country?'

(2) At the 20th Party Congress as Khruschev recounted the evils perpetrated by Stalin, a voice called from the hall:

'And where were you then?'

'Would the man who asked that question please stand up,' said Khruschev.

Silence. Nobody stands up.

'That's where we were too!' replied Khruschev.

(3) An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.

'They must have been English,' declares the Englishman. 'Only a gentleman would share his last apple with a woman.'

'They were undoubtedly French,' says the Frenchman. 'Who else could seduce a woman so easily?'

'I think they were Russian,' says the Russian. 'After all, who else could walk around stark naked, feed on one apple between the two of them and think they were in paradise?'

(4) God invented modern war to teach the Americans geography.

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Thanks John. Humour can be so delightful. Here's one of my favorites.

A policeman saw a man driving a car filled with penguins. He signaled for the man to pull over and then said to him, "What are you doing with a car full of penguins? Take them to the zoo at once!"

The next day the policeman noticed the same car with the same driver. The car was full of penguins again, but this time they were wearing sunglasses.

"I told yo yesterday to take those penguins to the zoo!" the policeman said.

"I did," said the man in the car. "Today we're going to the beach!"

Pamela :(

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A terrible Christmas joke.

The Raindrop

A Russian couple was walking down the street in Moscow one night when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife. "No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain," he said. They were just about to begin arguing with each other about whether it was raining or snowing when they saw a Communist Party official walking toward them.

"Let's not fight about it," the man said. "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing." As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?" "It's raining, of course," he replied, and walked on. But the woman insisted, "I know that felt like snow!"

To which her husband quietly replied:

...

....

.....

......

.......

........

"Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear

:(

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Some more bad ones.

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?

Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?

They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?

You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

A Stick

8.. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho Cheese.

9.. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

Quattro Sinko..

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?

Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?

A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?

Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?

Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?

Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?

The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?

Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

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An old one, but still very funny......

Al Gore was in London and met the Queen. Gore asked the Queen about her leadership philosophy. The Queen said she found that the best way to govern was to surround herself with intelligent people. “But how do you know they are intelligent? Gore asked. “I ask them testing questions. For example, when Tony Blair became leader of the Labour Party, I telephoned him and asked the following question: “Your mother has a child, your father has a child and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

“Why it is me,” said Tony Blair, without a pause.

“Correct!” said the Queen.

Gore returned to America and called George W. Bush: “Mr President, may I ask you a question?” he said. “By all means”, said the President.

“Your mother has a child, your father has a child and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

George Bush was stumped and remained silent for a while before saying, “May I get back to you on that, Al?” He asked all his closest aides before finally ringing Colin Powell, to whom he posed the telling question. Powell, like Blair, replied, without pause: “It’s me.”

George Bush rang Gore and said: “I know the answer to your question. It’s Colin Powell.”

“Wrong,” said Gore. “It’s Tony Blair.”

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An old one, but still very funny......

Al Gore was in London and met the Queen. Gore asked the Queen about her leadership philosophy. The Queen said she found that the best way to govern was to surround herself with intelligent people. “But how do you know they are intelligent? Gore asked. “I ask them testing questions. For example, when Tony Blair became leader of the Labour Party, I telephoned him and asked the following question: “Your mother has a child, your father has a child and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

“Why it is me,” said Tony Blair, without a pause.

“Correct!” said the Queen.

Gore returned to America and called George W. Bush: “Mr President, may I ask you a question?” he said. “By all means”, said the President.

“Your mother has a child, your father has a child and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

George Bush was stumped and remained silent for a while before saying, “May I get back to you on that, Al?” He asked all his closest aides before finally ringing Colin Powell, to whom he posed the telling question. Powell, like Blair, replied, without pause: “It’s me.”

George Bush rang Gore and said: “I know the answer to your question. It’s Colin Powell.”

“Wrong,” said Gore. “It’s Tony Blair.”

John: You ought to have people reply and rate the jokes on a scale of 1-10. I'd give this one a 9!

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John:  You ought to have people reply and rate the jokes on a scale of 1-10.  I'd give this one a 9!

Maybe we should make nominations and then hold a poll. I also like Rowena's joke. I would give it a 9.5. I would also give the same mark to this one (as you can see, I like political jokes):

An American Indian paid a visit to New York. While shopping in a store, he got into conversation with the storekeeper, who asked:

'And how do you like our city?'

'Fine,' replied the Indian. 'And how do you like our country?'

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OH! OH!!! here's one...(John, I had to hunt this one down from among the MANY that I received this past election season here in the "Un-tied" States...so this one's for you...Cheers!)

********************************************************************

President Bush was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the

classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and

their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead

the discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asked

the class for an example of a "tragedy".

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives

on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills

him, that would be a tragedy."

"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children

drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we would called a

great loss." The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush

searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example

of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet

voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying you and Mrs. Bush was struck

by a "friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a

tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why

that would be a tragedy?"

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"Well," says the boy, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as heck

wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident

either.

:rolleyes: Great jokes, folks!

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A German joke for a change: A classic from the GDR:

Der wichtigste Buchstabe der deutschen Sprache ist das W.

Wenn das W nicht wäre, hieße es nicht Warschauer Pakt.

Wenn das W nicht wäre, hieße es nicht Walter Ulbricht.

Wenn das W nicht wäre, hieße es nicht Waffenbrüderschaft. :rolleyes:

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Hi all,

A little Japanese kid (about 5th grade) is transfered from one school to another. On his first day in his new class the teacher says, "Today we are going to have an oral test, I'll ask a question and if you know the answer raise your hand." So the teacher asked " Who said give me liberty or give me death and what year did the person say it?" The little Japanese kid looked around the class and saw that no one had raise their hand so he raised his hand. The teacher called on him, and he said, " Patrick Henry 1775." The teacher said " That correct very good." Well a big bully in the back of the room got kinda mad that this Japanese kid knew more about American history than he did, so he said "***-damn Japs" The teacher heard him and immediately ask " who said that." The little Japanese kid said--

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------

------

------

-----

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General Macarthur 1945

Mike

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An old , very old, joke is of course; "who invented the steam engine? Watt. I asked who invented the steam engine! " In real life that could never happen, or could it..Last weekend some asked me the question and i replied; Watt. Surprisingly the question was asked again... :D

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An old , very old, joke is of course; "who invented the steam engine? Watt. I asked who invented the steam engine! " In real life that could never happen, or could it..Last weekend some asked me the question and i replied; Watt. Surprisingly the question was asked again... :D

Reminds me of the story (supposedly true) that many people have called Microsoft Support to ask which one is the "any" key.

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A man walks into a publick house with a slab of black asphalt, says, "Give me one, and another for the Road!"

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